


Blue Valentine

by bluphacelia



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 11:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6004768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluphacelia/pseuds/bluphacelia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon is having a very tough time watching all the couples on Valentine's Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blue Valentine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [desertmint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertmint/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon is having a tough time watching all the couples celebrating Valentine's Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for my lovely Beta for Valentine's day. Love you <3

* * *

There is a low hum in the hotel restaurant--people talking, laughing in the background, quiet strains of music. Couples are strewn around the tables with glasses of wine and chocolate cakes.

Gon Freecss sits alone at the bar nursing a double shot of whiskey. Not the good kind, but the kind that makes you drunk, fast and dirty.

"That's your third double, sir. I'll have to cut you off after that one, I'm sorry," the bartender remarks as he rearranges the bottles underneath the counter. There are tacky pink and white coasters strewn across the counter.

"You ever think about love?" Gon asks. His gaze is far away as he stirs his drink.

"I'm sorry?"

"About love?" Gon repeats.

"Not really, sir. Have a wife and two kids at home, so they keep me pretty busy." The bartender smiles fondly as he corks the bottle and stores it away.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

The restaurant has emptied, except for one couple, clearly enamoured with each other. They drink champagne and laugh softly at each other, love in their eyes.

"I've loved my best friend for--almost ten years now," Gon starts. He abruptly downs his drink.

"H--She knows that as well. I think. We haven't talked about it in years. We were so happy when we first met. We were together for almost two years. Traveling together, seeing the world together, side by side. Just having fun, but then everything changed. She left with someone else. Someone who became more important than I was."

The bartender regards him, then pours out another drink. Gon swirls the amber liquid around the glass and takes another gulp without thinking.

"We met again years later and it was like no time had passed! We hugged, laughed, spent time together. It ended too soon. Our lives were so different. We lived in different places, were doing different things. I'd lost something that he still had." Gon looks at the empty glass in his hand.

"He knows I love him. I know he's loved me in the past, he's made it blatantly clear, but I've refused him every time. It's too painful, the idea of losing him again. Losing that friendship for a chance at something more. I don't think I could take it. I don't think I could handle another break."

He looks up, golden eyes dull with pain. 

"What should I do? Do I still have a chance? I don't know if I can just be by their side anymore without trying, but I'm so afraid. So afraid." Gon falls silent. His words are spent. 

The restaurant is silent. The couple from earlier had left, holding hands, silently smiling at one another--unaware of anything outside their own bubble of intimacy.

"I'm no counselor, but maybe you should talk to this person. They can’t know how you truly feel if you're unwilling to speak of it." 

Gon laughs--a bitter, dry sound.

"No one's a mind reader, right."

There’s silence as he places the glass down with a dull clink.

"Thank you for the drink." Gon stands, legs shaky, but he doesn't fall. He has just enough presence of mind left to leave his room number for the bill.

He braces himself and crosses the hotel lobby, only stumbling once against a large fern on his way to the elevator. Inside, he paws at his pocket and finds his keycard. The elevator climbs up and up. The bell dings, and he stands there, keycard gripped in hand, staring at the numberpad. The doors open and close. Swallowing, he pushes another number. The bell dings again and he feels the elevator descend.

He gets out, stumbling against the wall. He leans there for a moment, letting the world slide back into place.

He follows the signs down the corridor. Soon he is at a door. He knocks.

Gon can hear shuffling inside, a click of the lock as the door opens.

"Gon?" Killua stands in the doorway, hair mussed, clothed in soft-looking flannel.

"Killua."

"Are you drunk?"

"Maybe…"

Killua pulls Gon inside and he collapses onto the lone chair. His head falls into his hands. Everything feels heavy. The chair feels like it’s resting on a slowly spinning disc.

A soft touch jerks him out of his doze.

"Here, water." Killua pushes a glass into his hands. "Drink it or you'll have one killer headache tomorrow."

"I don't get hangovers," Gon mutters, but gulps the water down anyway.

"We're not here on holiday, remember? We need to get that book from the auction tomorrow," Killua chides softly as he goes to refill the glass.

"I need to tell you something," Gon mutters around the glass that reappears in his hands. He drinks some and lurches up to his feet.

He stands, Killua hovering at his elbow ready to catch him if he falls.

"What is it?"

"I need to tell you something," Gon says and clutches Killua with his free hand.

"You said that already. Here, let me take that." Killua rescues the glass before it tumbles to the floor.

"Killua." The name comes out as a whine and half a cough.

"Gon? What is it?" Killua grabs the other man's arm and squeezes.

"I--" Gon starts and stops, golden eyes focusing on blue, wondering if they were always that color, almost purple. 

"Gon. You can take my bed, I don't think you can make it back upstairs," Killua says and pulls at Gon's arm, but he doesn’t budge.

"Killua. I need to tell you something," Gon begins again. Killua stops and gives him a small smile.

"You know you can tell me anything, Gon."

There is a pause. Gon takes a breath, exhaling slowly.

"I--I just wanted to tell you. How much I care about you, Killua."

"You didn't need to get drunk to tell me that, stu-upid." Killua laughs a little--a wisp of a sound.

"I don't want you to go," Gon continues. His hand has somehow ended up in Killua's. He can’t remember how. "I never want to lose you again."

"You know I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I lo--" Gon falters for a second. "I love you." It is barely a whisper.

"I know."

Killua wraps his arms around Gon. Gon folds, his arms slung around Killua's neck, tickling the soft silver locks at the nape. The room is silent and Gon feels his forehead thump against Killua's shoulder. They are still almost the same height, he notes blearily. 

Killua guides him toward the bed, half carrying his weight. His feet feel lighter than air. Gon feels himself slide down onto something soft--the bed. Of course.

He feels a tug at his feet as his shoes are removed and suddenly Killua's face is looming over him.

"Scootch up. You're only half on the bed," Killua says as he helps Gon up and into bed. Killua leans back and is gone for a second. Gon's eyes trail to the ceiling as the lights flicker off and they plunge into darkness.

Gon feels the bed dip again, and soon a blanket is covering him.

"Killua," he mumbles, eyes already closed.

"Yeah, Gon?"

"I really love you so much." There are tears on his cheeks. He doesn't remember crying.

"I know."

The mattress moves underneath him, and suddenly Killua is there, pressed up next to him, an arm loosely draped around his waist.

A hand travels to his damp cheeks, brushing the wetness away.

"We'll talk about it in the morning." 

Gon sighs and lets his eyes close again. Killua shifts and Gon feels light lips on his cheek and a whisper in his ear.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my first fanfic in ages and since I'm not evil I posted the follow-up chapter at the same time! Go read Killua's POV in the chapter ahead!
> 
> You can also find me @bluphacelia on tumblr. I love to talk to everyone about my HxH feels.


	2. Red Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua finds a drunk Gon at his door.

* * *

A soft knock snaps Killua awake in an instant. He feels the room around him--there is a soft bed underneath him and darkness. He opens his eyes to green fluorescent numbers blinking at him from across the room. 12:22 AM. A hotel room. Right.

He stands, flicks on the lights and is at the door, feet barely touching the carpet. He turns the lock and pulls it open.

Gon stands before him, reeking of cheap alcohol, wearing an uncharacteristic frown. His gaze is unfocused. Killua lets his eyes graze over Gon's body quickly, checking for obvious signs of distress. Not finding any, his eyebrows furrow at the un-Gon-like behavior.

"Gon?" Killua asks. He's never seen his friend like this before. His heart aches at the deplorable sadness wafting off the other man.

"Killua," Gon responds, finally pulling his eyes up to look at him.

"Are you drunk?" Killua hears himself ask the obvious. 

"Maybe…" comes the sullen answer. Killua glances around the empty corridor, hoping nobody has spotted the exchange, before pulling Gon inside. He's surprised at the unsteady wobble and tip as Gon makes his way to the cheap hotel room chair and drops down, the chair giving a squeak in protest.

Gon drops his head into his hands and lets out a low sigh. Something must be wrong--has something happened to Mito-san? His grandma? She was getting older as well. Kite? Killua quickly goes through the list of people important enough to Gon to illicit this change. No, Killua would have heard if something drastic had happened.

Killua finds a clean glass on the bathroom counter and fills it from the tap before bringing it to Gon. He's slumped over, head heavy on his hand, clearly on the verge of passing out.

"Gon?" Killua says and nudges him with his hand. Gon's head jerks up, eyes blinking, confusion marring his features.

"Here, water. Drink it or you'll have one killer headache tomorrow," Killua says with a grin. The one other time he remembers seeing Gon this far gone is playing on a loop in his head. He hadn't looked this sad, though.

"I don't get hangovers," Gon mumbles as he gulps down the water. At least he isn't stupid enough to refuse to drink. Killua purses his lips.

"We're not here on holiday, remember? We need to get that book from the auction tomorrow." 

Killua takes the glass for a refill. The more water the better. He places the glass into Gon's hands, urging him to drink more.

"I need to tell you something." Gon fumbles and a dash of water splashes onto his shirt. He doesn't seem to notice. He pushes up from the chair, legs wobbling in the process. Killua reaches out, more by instinct, to steady his friend.

"What is it?" Killua asks, looking from Gon to the bed. He could probably get him there without too much fuss.

"I need to tell you something," Gon repeats. His hand latches onto Killua's wrist before he has time to react. Okay, so he can still move quickly, not a good combination--being drunk and crazy strong.

"You said that already." Killua frowns. "Here, let me take that." He barely catches the glass that falls from Gon's hand and places it safely on the table close by.

"Killua." The word is so full of sadness and desperation that Killua whips back around, all senses sharpened for an outside attack. He rushes over and grabs Gon's arm with his free hand.

"Gon? What is it? What's wrong?" 

"I--" Gon looks down at his toes, head bowed low. Slowly he lifts his gaze to meet Killua's. The warm amber of his eyes is muted, and there's a gray cast to Gon's normally vibrant tan.

"Gon. You can take my bed, I don't think you can make it back upstairs." Killua pulls at his arm. He needs to get Gon to lie down before he passes out.

"--need to tell you something," Gon mumbles, and Killua gives him a soft smile.

"You know you can tell me anything, Gon."

The moment stretches. Killua is ready to grab Gon and force him into bed before Gon passes out and drags both of them to the floor.

"I--I just wanted to tell you. How much I care about you, Killua."

Killua can't help but laugh. Was that it? He had been worried for a second.

"You didn't need to get drunk to tell me that, stu-upid." 

"--don't want you to go. I never want to lose you again." Gon's eyes gain a bit of focus and Killua feels his heart drop to his toes. No, no, no, what is Gon talking about?

"Y-you know I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." What is Gon doing?

"I l-love you," Gon whispers into the air between them.

"I know." Killua sighs. It seems like they’re doing this now, now of all times. Gon drunk off his ass. Killua can feel the start of a tension headache forming at the base of his skull. 

Killua leans forward and wraps his arms around Gon's waist. Gon burrows into his arms, his shallow breaths damp against Killua’s night shirt. Killua can feel Gon's pulse rising. Gon's arms settle around his neck, forehead resting on his shoulder. Killua feels his skin prickling as fingers curl into his hair.

They stay there for a long moment. Killua eventually pulls away, grabbing Gon under his arm and slowly maneuvering his drunk friend down to the bed. Gon falls back, arms splayed out. Killua purses his lips and crouches down to start pulling at Gon's boots. Even after all this time, Gon still prefers knee-high combat boots, and it takes Killua a good minute to loosen the laces enough to tug them off. After nudging the boots under the bed, Killua leans over and touches Gon's shoulder softly.

"Scootch up. You're only half on the bed," Killua says. He helps Gon pull himself up to the pillows and leaves him there as he walks to the light switch. His hand hovers over the switch for a few moments as he lets his thoughts settle back into the normal tepid calm he's adapted over the years.

He crosses the room in the dark, circling the bed to the other side. He pulls at his hastily thrown blankets and rearranges them over Gon's dozing body.

"Killua," Gon says in a small voice. Killua freezes for a second. Not asleep yet, it seems.

"Yeah, Gon?" he asks, sitting, blankets around his waist as he watches his friend in the darkness.

"I really love you so much," Gon gasps. Killua feels like his heart is breaking. Again.

"I know." Killua blinks against the sudden welling in his eyes and pulls the blanket over his shoulder. He hesitates for a moment before slowly curling his arm around Gon. 

Killua trails his hand up, fingertips barely brushing Gon's cheek. Surprised at the dampness there, he brushes the other's cheeks dry.

"We'll talk about it in the morning." _If you still remember this,_ is left unsaid.

Killua shifts a little, pulling himself up enough to plant a chaste kiss on Gon's cheek.

"I love you too."

* * *

The clock reads 6:35 when Gon pushes out of bed and disappears into the bathroom. Killua rolls over from his side of the bed, blearily looking at the closed door. He falls back down as he hears the toilet flush, burying his head in the pillows. He doesn't want it to be morning yet.

He hears the door open softly and the bed dip slightly as Gon crawls back in. Gon lets out a low groan as he settles back down, arm flung carelessly over his eyes.

"Don't get hangovers, my ass," Killua can't resist grumbling. He cracks open an eye,his face still half-buried in a pillow, flat on his stomach. He watches Gon let out another moan of despair.

"Shit, Killua," Gon mumbles into his arm. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"If you walk like a bear indoors anyone would wake up to the noise," Killua teases, lifting his head up from the pillow. _How much does Gon remember?_ he wonders.

Gon gives another groan and lifts his arm just enough to meet Killua's eyes before letting his arm fall back down.

"What… how much did I even drink?" Gon asks plaintively.

"No idea. You did that all on your own. What brought this on anyway?"

"Yesterday was," Gon begins, pausing to lick his lips. He slides his arm down to the pillow and turns his head to look at Killua. "It was Valentine's Day."

Killua frowns. Sure, he knew the date and had seen all the chocolates and cards in the stores, couples holding hands down the street.

"I went out after we had dinner last night." Gon rolls over to face Killua. Killua’s breath catches in his throat.

"I just walked around for a bit and ended up at the chocolate shop. You got them, right, the choco-robos?" Gon grins, his face lighting up for the first time since last night.

"Ah, yeah. I got them." Killua gives him a half smile. He'd been surprised when a full box of choco-robo boxes, his favorite childhood treat, had been delivered by a smiling room attendant. Laughing something about a secret admirer.

Killua averts his eyes, not quite sure what to say.

"Then I went to the bar and drank. I think. Things got a bit hazy after that." Gon groans again and turns onto his back.

"You don't remember?" Killua prods, both wary and relieved. Gon is silent for so long Killua almost believes he had passed out again.

"I remember enough," comes the reply. Gon opens his eyes again. He looks up at the cracked ceiling.

"I see." Killua flips over and lies on his back, just out of reach.

"It's morning, isn't it?" Gon asks, slowly shifting his arm from the pillow and moving it toward Killua. The back of his hand grazes the back of Killua's and he lets it lie there, inviting.

"Stupid," Killua mutters and bumps his hand against Gon's before lacing their fingers together.

Gon squeezes back, then rolls to his side and pulls Killua close. Killua can still smell the stale alcohol on Gon's breath and he swallows, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Did you mean it?" Gon's voice is a low murmur in Killua's ear.

"W-what?"

"That you'd stay?"

"If-if you want me to." Killua looks up to meet Gon's gaze. Gon's smile is radiant, tugging at the tiny soft lines near his eyes. "I meant what I said."

Gon slides his hand up to run through Killua's hair. It leaves a tingling sensation in its wake. Killua can’t help but lean in.

Their lips meet, chapped lips gently nudging against each other.

The moment shatters as Gon abruptly shoves himself up, panic blooming on his face.

Killua pounces up into a crouch as well, automatically releasing his En. The bed lurches at the sudden movement. Not sensing any danger, he lets his aura settle back around his body and peers down at the sitting Gon, who looks faintly green.

"I'm sorry!" Gon squeaks and flees into the bathroom.

* * *

**ATOGAKI**

"This isn't really how I'd imagined this day would go." The smugness oozes out of Killua in waves as he tenderly pats Gon's back.

Gon shoots him a glare, but before he can retort he turns a sickly shade of green and continues to empty his stomach into the toilet.

A few minutes later he leans back. Killua had magicked a damp hand towel from somewhere and draped it over Gon’s head, the damp cloth leaving wet droplets on his sweat-covered shirt.

"I should have just brought in the chocolate myself," Gon mutters. His stomach twists with a weak growl at the thought of anything consumable.

Killua laughs and leans against him.

"You were never the smart one," he teases and carefully re-folds the towel so it doesn't drip everywhere.

"I'll do it better next time."

Killua laughs, a silvery sound that leaves Gon breathless.

"It's a promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the end. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed my return fic to fic writing.
> 
> You can also find me @bluphacelia on tumblr. I love to talk to everyone about my HxH feels.


End file.
